The dilemmas of blogging about cancer

I’m not sure when this “sharing” feeling came along.

Talking about my problems never came easy, except to a couple of close friends and a therapist. During the miscarriage years, I’d rather stay forever inside a cave – or move all the way to the other side of the country – than talk about it with anyone.

But something about this cancer feels different. I don’t feel shame, at least not yet. A feeling of unfairness every once in a while, sure. But if David Bowie had cancer, why not me?

Part of the appeal of writing about it is defying expectations. Everybody knows cancer sucks. A much more interesting story is talking about the parts that are not expected, like having fun with colorful wigs.

But what about the parts that are really cancer-awful? Is it worth writing about those?

Do I write about fainting in my bathroom and being rescued by paramedics in a puddle of my own sweat? I’m struggling with this one.

But, yeah, that did happen, and they took me to the ER in an ambulance. After going through a bag of IV, my blood pressure stabilized, labs came back normal-ish, and I was discharged.

As I thought more whether I should write about this episode, I realized that it doesn’t have to defy expectations, because this is not a story. This is real life, my life, and unfortunately this life is dealing with cancer. And probably this is going to suck more often than not for a while.

So I made the decision that should have been obvious to me from the beginning: I’ll do what I feel like doing, whenever the mood strikes. I’ll write about the good moments, or the sucky moments, when I feel like it. And I’ll go back inside the cave when I feel like it.

I just won’t move to the other side of the country again. No dilemma there.

 

One thought on “The dilemmas of blogging about cancer”

  1. Suzana, querida, você deve fazer exatamente o que sentir vontade, na hora em que desejar. Dividir as dores, a esperança, os medos, as vitórias – tudo isso é excelente, pois as pessoas que a amam vão colocar suas melhores intenções, vibrações e energias em tudo o que lhe disserem, em todos os pensamentos, preces ou o que mais fizerem em sua intenção. Então, é ótimo que você tenha essa iniciativa, é claro. Mas ela deve fluir livre e somente quando você quiser, exatamente como você diz no seu maravilhoso post. De qualquer forma, falo por mim e certamente por todas as pessoas que têm laços com você (familiares, afetivos…) estaremos vibrando por sua caminhada nessa luta, que não é fácil, mas que você certamente vai vencer. Um beijão pra você, com muito carinho. Aperte bem e dê muitas beijocas estaladas nessa minha priminha linda, que precisa conhecer seu priminho Gui, da mesma idade. Mande um beijo especial para sua mãe, minha prima querida. “Tamo juntas nisso”. Ah, e obrigada por me permitir dar uma reciclada no meu inglês, que estava há tanto tempo adormecido, enferrujadinho…

    Like

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